Song for the Soul: "Learning to Fall" by This Beautiful Republic

Fun Fact #91: During my freshman year, I made the choice to only have Christian music on my iPod.

Back then, my favorite song was "Animal" by Neon Trees. I have a hour drive to school, so you can imagine how many times I listened to it. One of my best friends were having a conversation about music and how it should reflect our faith. If I remember correctly, I emailed her the song claiming that it "wasn't that bad." She told me to really look at the lyrics, and lo and behold, they weren't very God-honoring. That was really the turning point. If I am really living my life for the Lord, shouldn't my choice of music also be included in that?

Since that time, I have learned several things about music:

1. Music is extremely influential. It affects your mood and thoughts, which can then motivate what you say and do. Songs will get stuck in your head. And you will be singing them for days. Days, I tell you.
2. By listening to Christian music, I think so much more about my Lord and Savior than if I was listening to secular music. Let's face it: the vast majority of songs are about loving another person. When I listen to these songs 24/7, I focus more on guys--who I like and how I can impress him. Christian music are love songs too; they're love songs about the Lover of my Soul, my first love.When I listen to them, I concentrate more about the sheer glory of God and how I can please Him.
3. Some of today's songs make me want to gag. Sometimes, while I'm riding in the car with my brother and listening to secular radio, a song comes on that makes me think, Wow, we desperately need a Savior. Honestly, I almost feel violated, it's that bad. After choosing to keep my music only Christian, I am surprised that I left myself listen to that stuff before. 
4. Not all secular music doesn't honor God. However, I find much easier to listen to artists and bands who aren't ashamed of their faith. It eliminates a lot of research on my part and arguments on where I should draw the line.

(To be clear here, I am not trying to force you into eliminating all your secular music; rather I am challenging you to examine this specific aspect of your life and measure it up with Philippians 4:8: "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.")

So I am starting a new series called Song for the Soul, in which I will be sharing my current favorite Christian song or one that really inspired me. I will do my hardest to keep them coming every week. Here is one of the songs that have most influenced my walk with God. I actually broke down sobbing when listening to this. (Funny story about how I discovered this song: My younger brother has a unique name, so I found it really interesting when I found someone who had the same name. I clicked on their MySpace--this was years ago--and the song was there!)

 As I was putting the video in my post, I realized that it was posted on my birthday! How cool is that!

Have you been convicted about music lately?

Recap and Revelations

Fun Fact #79: In fifth grade, I made a list of qualities that I want my future husband to have.


Looking at it now, I actually laugh at what I put on that list (spelled exactly as on the paper): "likes Chinese, Philipino foods" "likes fashion, celebs, movies" "likes cats and pomerians (dog)" "likes my figure (shape of body)". I was one strange fifth-grader... Anyway, the reason why I mention this is to communicate this to my readers: what you think you want changes. Now, I don't care if he likes the harp or has blue-green eyes. His favorite season isn't going to be a deal breaker. But there are still certain characteristics that are extremely necessary if I am to marry, or even date, someone.

By writing a prayer journal and completing the 31 prayers linked to in my previous post, I realized what his character should be and what I want our marriage to be like. More importantly, I made surprising revelations about myself that will affect my future relationships.

1. I am very self-centered. Somehow I managed brag about my grades, showcase how I don't listen to secular music, and mention how I banned myself from romantic novels until the end of the quarter--all within three days of journaling! I didn't even think to ask about my husband's status with Jesus until the end of the month. I really hate admitting this truth... Who wouldn't? Jesus, help me realize that the world's not all about me. There's only a couple million other people out there, and a lot of their situations are much worse than my own.

2. I wear a mask to impress people. I know that most of us do, but mine is stuck on pretty tight to my head. During the first days of writing down the prayers, I felt the need to write perfectly without misspelling words and make myself sound so smart and so spiritual. What's so ironic is that in my little "Note to Reader," I said that I was giving him access to my "most sincere prayers." How sincere are prayers that are worded to sound like the best Christian who ever lived? I'll tell you: not very. By the end, I came to the realization that in a prayer journal, there is no one to impress, even if you are planning to give it to someone eventually. Prayers are our conversations with the Lord; since we're human, they're obviously not going to be perfect.

3. If I'm going to have a husband that possess characteristics that I wrote about in the journal, I needed to work on developing the same qualities as well. Why would I deserve the husband I want if I'm not the wife he needs? Flipping through the journal, I realize that I have a long way to go before I'm ready to marry the man of my dreams, and so does he. Listen to Proverbs 12:4, "A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones." Remember, don't try to be the girl he wants; be the woman he needs. (Or...don't try to be the boy she wants; be the man she needs.)

I can confidently say that this process has radically changed my perspective about so many things: who my husband should be (his beliefs, faith, etc.), what God designed marriage as, and what I need to change in order to be the girl he wants to marry and the woman the Lord wants me to be.

What have you discovered when praying for your future spouse?

  

P.S. Dear hubby... I love you and will continue to pray for you daily even after we're all wrinkly! <3 

Presently Praying

Fun Fact #18: I love being single. Yeah, it's pretty much awesome.


And no, I'm not being sarcastic. In freshman year, I was what my friends call "obsessed" with this guy. Now, I wasn't even dating him and I was giving him so much of my time and my thought. (If you're reading this, I just want to thank you for teaching me such an important lesson. I know I wouldn't be where I am without you.) Of course, my heart was broken. I cried. I was angry. I had regrets. And so on. But through it I learned this: dating takes a lot of time, effort, and emotion. And guess what? I wasted so much of it that year, and I wasn't even in a relationship. I began asking this: why even date if it's just a waste? Why not use all of that time and energy for something productive, for something that will last through fights and tears? Something like your walk with God.

By the influence of my best friend and Joshua Harris (through his life changing book I Kissed Dating Goodbye, which I highly recommend to any teenager, dating or single), I made the decision not to date until I'm truly ready for marriage. Does this mean I just float in the river of life, waiting until that time? No!

A couple weeks ago, one of my youth pastors once told my friend that it's never too early to pray for your future spouse. He had the seriously-what-use-is-that face on. But it made me think. If I were to pray for my Mystery Man, what would I pray about? That he'd be a stud? That he had a sign on his forehead that read "Kayla Dimalanta, I was made for you"? I mean, I don't even know this guy. How am I supposed to pray for him? Well, I was pretty sure that wasn't what I was supposed to pray for so I Googled. (Yes, I actually did Google "how to pray for your future husband.")

The search was fruitful and I found this amazing blog post. The title is "31 Days of Prayer for Your Husband." So I invite you: print out the page, put it where you read your Bible, and pray through it this month of November. Even better, make it into a prayer journal and give it to your husband one day. It might even turn out that he was having a hard time in his life when you were praying for him (man, wouldn't that be cool!).

Have you ever prayed for your future spouse? What do you pray for?

Dear Daddy

Fun Fact #3: I've always been a daddy's girl. Always have been, always will be. So daddy, this one's for you.


Dear Daddy, four days ago was the tenth anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Two days from now will be your wedding anniversary. But today... today's your tenth death anniversary.

Whenever the news reports about 9/11 talk about how so many children lost their fathers on that day, I can't help but think of you. Maybe you weren't a firefighter or a state employee, but I miss you as much as they miss their own dads. Maybe you didn't save others from a burning building, but I think you are just as amazing.

Papa, I love you so much. You were such an awesome person. You were a gold level mechanic at Titus Will. (When I get my license, I plan on visiting your certificate in the dealership more often.) You were a hunter and a fisher. (Kendru enjoys fishing now, just like you did.) You were a gardener. (We have a rock on our property by the bamboo and palm trees that says "Rudy's Garden".) You were a carpenter. (We recently fixed up your gazebo. I love sitting there, palpable peace surrounding me.) You were a business owner after you quit your job. (I will always remember the huge watermelon you painted on the door of your produce store.) You were a husband, son, and to me, a dad. 

Six years may sound like a lot of years to know someone (especially for us younger folks), but it doesn't seem like a long time when they were the first six years of my life. I may not remember that much from those years (however much I wish I did), but you still saw some of the my shining moments: my first breath, my first tooth, my first word, my first steps, my first day of school.

So much has happened since you've been gone. I graduated from MCCS with tears in my eyes. I got baptized in the bay next to Harstine Island by Mr. Swanson. (You would've loved them, Dad.) I went to my first school dance. (I wish you were there when I was crowned.) I am even enrolled in college now!

Some people might have looked at this situation and seen only tragedy and sadness. Not me, Papa. This is actually my life verse--or rather, verses: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may become mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4) Honestly, I think your death actually brought me to a close relationship with the Lord. He works in mysterious ways. I even want to see your murderer one day. He must be feeling so guilty and desolate. I just want to tell him that he actually helped me spiritually indirectly.

Papa, I will never forget you. I wore a "Daddy's Little Princess" shirt today to school. Right now I'm actually wearing the Disney Princess nightgown you bought for me from Toys 'R Us when I got good grades. (It used to come to my ankles, but now it's like mid-thigh on me.) I have your picture on my bed stand, and I look at it every day. Sometimes I go to your grave to pray and just get away from the craziness of the world. I will be thinking about you when I walk down that aisle with tears in my eyes. (In fact, they're there now.) I love you so much, Daddy. You will always be my hero, and I will always be your little princess. Till I see your smiling face again, your Kayla Mai (Mom said you wanted to name me this.) <3

Destiny, Daydreams, and Dating

Fun Fact #26: I have a very big imagination when it comes to the future... and conspiracy theories, as I'm told by my brother.


It's true! I really do! (At least the first part anyway...) My family can confirm that I will random spout out things that I will do for my future family. For example, I have said that I will marry someone with a small to average-sized forehead, just to make sure my children won't possess a billboard on their faces like I have.* I have also discussed how I want my hubby to be tall...to balance out my midget stature, of course. I will even admit to announcing (only to immediate family obviously) that I want my husband to have money. Since 1) I'm looking into being a teacher, and 2) I want to provide my kids with a Christian education, having digits in the account is a little crucial.

*I know what you're thinking. Just because your spouse has a smaller forehead or is taller in height does not mean your children will be in "the middle ground." Just goes to show how truly delusional I am. :P

But after reading Siri Mitchell's captivating love story titled She Walks in Beauty and watching Clara fight against her family's expectations and commands to pursue true love, my view of my future began shifting. (If you are into historical fiction or romance novels, I highly recommend this book. It felt very real, especially considering it's set in the 1800s.)

I began to realize there was something better than having aesthetically appealing adolescents (alliterations again!): real, pure, honorable, loyal, trusting, kind, forgiving, intimate love that only God can give to you. As the cliche, but extremely true verse says...

" 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' "

--Jeremiah 29:11

Nothing says it better than the Word itself. Jesus doesn't want you to settle just so your babies are proclaimed "the most adorable thing ever" or "a Gerber baby" (I never heard of that before I Goggled "baby compliments, haha) or have the most advanced private schooling. He wants you to be totally in love with the person He designed you to be with for the rest of your life. Perfect features or height may look great at first when deliberating what is dating--or should I say, marriage--material, but what truly matters in a healthy relationship is the size of the heart: for people, for you, and most importantly, for God.

Fantasies aside, what is most vital to you when considering relationships with the opposite gender?

Reading, Rollercoasters, and a Rock

Fun Fact #53 -- I love alliterations. They are truly terrific things.


One of the most famous Christian authors is definitely Karen Kingsbury (she's featured in the Family Christian Bookstore enough). Since book prices are usually high and library hold lists are long, I never got around to reading any of her books till this week. After my friend recommended Unlocked, I ordered it from my library and patiently waited for it to come. Upon finishing it, I was amazed. It made me cry and wiggle (yes, wiggle) in happiness. As I said on Facebook, "I truly believe that through this book, the Lord has ignited in me a passion to love, especially those who are passed by others. As Ella said, 'We need to love each other. Now...while there's still time.' " I was totally high off of a happy ending and the Holy Spirit. I went to bed, but it wasn't until I made a list of people I need to love more, that I finally fell asleep. (The official book trailer is below.)

The next day, some relatives and I were talking about age and maturity. The conversation went a little like this:


Kayla: I think that age is just a number. Your maturity level is really what shows how old you are. Some   people never seem to age though... (Not very Christlike of me to say, I know.)
Relative #1: Like ________, right? He's not very mature, is he, Kayla?
Kayla: *pauses* No, he's actually pretty mature for his age.
Relative #2: Yeah, Kayla, you're supposed to love him more. *snottily*


It was so discouraging. After that I went to bed early, not really feeling up to socializing with the family any longer. I felt pretty low.


The lesson that I captured from this whole emotional rollercoaster (don't you love being a girl?) is that even though we might be low in faith and high in sadness at times, the Lord never loves us differently varying from day to day. His love and faithfulness are steady and never fails. It's pretty amazing compared to...well, everything, but especially compared to how our lives never seem to stay the same. He's the Rock in the crashing waves of our hearts.

What fiction books give you a boost in faith and love?

Coming Back to Basics

There's something about summer that makes me relaxed, rested, and quite frankly... Lazy. I stay inside most days, alternating between watching reruns of children's shows and trying to make up for the lack of pleasure reading time during the school year. (More of that to come later.) Worst of all, I become rather lethargic in my relationships. I've only seen my best friend and my twin once this summer. I rarely talk, text, or Facebook anyone. Of course, living thirty minutes away from town doesn't help either. It's pathetic.

However, even more distressing is my relationship with God and how the summer of relaxation affects it. This year, especially, my faith has been taking a hit. Between struggling with finishing my math book, organizing my school's first prom, and registering for my first college classes, the Lord took a backseat in my priorities. (Never EVER a good sign. After all, He should always be in the driver's seat!) Perhaps that's why I haven't blogged for months... I would feel like a hypocrite for posting something about boosting your faith when I couldn't even that accomplish that.

But now, I feel like I'm coming back to where I was spiritually before life started to, in a way, suffocate me.

After I watched Soul Surfer this Sunday (a very good inspirational movie where a Christian surfer questions her beliefs),  I couldn't get it out of my head--specifically  the scene where Bethany Hamilton was attacked by a shark. It really scared me. *Just as a disclaimer or something of that sort, I personally can easily freaked out by a movie. I try to stay as far away from scary movies as much as possible.* The night after I watched it with my family, I woke up various times of the night, barely able to go back to sleep with the thoughts of the shark in my head.

The next night, I decided to do something about it: go to the one person I knew can always comfort me. Jesus. I opened my Bible for the first time in months outside of church and turned to the Hall of Faith (Hebrews 11). My NIV translation read...

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." --Hebrews 11:1

I slept soundly that night, certain that the Lord is watching and protecting me and sure that He would give me peace. Maybe being able to sleep doesn't sound very pivotal to you, but feeling a sense of security and calmness that only comes from above always astounds me. All I have to say is this: God is good all the time.

When you're in a spiritual funk, how does God call you back to him?