Dear Daddy

Fun Fact #3: I've always been a daddy's girl. Always have been, always will be. So daddy, this one's for you.


Dear Daddy, four days ago was the tenth anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Two days from now will be your wedding anniversary. But today... today's your tenth death anniversary.

Whenever the news reports about 9/11 talk about how so many children lost their fathers on that day, I can't help but think of you. Maybe you weren't a firefighter or a state employee, but I miss you as much as they miss their own dads. Maybe you didn't save others from a burning building, but I think you are just as amazing.

Papa, I love you so much. You were such an awesome person. You were a gold level mechanic at Titus Will. (When I get my license, I plan on visiting your certificate in the dealership more often.) You were a hunter and a fisher. (Kendru enjoys fishing now, just like you did.) You were a gardener. (We have a rock on our property by the bamboo and palm trees that says "Rudy's Garden".) You were a carpenter. (We recently fixed up your gazebo. I love sitting there, palpable peace surrounding me.) You were a business owner after you quit your job. (I will always remember the huge watermelon you painted on the door of your produce store.) You were a husband, son, and to me, a dad. 

Six years may sound like a lot of years to know someone (especially for us younger folks), but it doesn't seem like a long time when they were the first six years of my life. I may not remember that much from those years (however much I wish I did), but you still saw some of the my shining moments: my first breath, my first tooth, my first word, my first steps, my first day of school.

So much has happened since you've been gone. I graduated from MCCS with tears in my eyes. I got baptized in the bay next to Harstine Island by Mr. Swanson. (You would've loved them, Dad.) I went to my first school dance. (I wish you were there when I was crowned.) I am even enrolled in college now!

Some people might have looked at this situation and seen only tragedy and sadness. Not me, Papa. This is actually my life verse--or rather, verses: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may become mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4) Honestly, I think your death actually brought me to a close relationship with the Lord. He works in mysterious ways. I even want to see your murderer one day. He must be feeling so guilty and desolate. I just want to tell him that he actually helped me spiritually indirectly.

Papa, I will never forget you. I wore a "Daddy's Little Princess" shirt today to school. Right now I'm actually wearing the Disney Princess nightgown you bought for me from Toys 'R Us when I got good grades. (It used to come to my ankles, but now it's like mid-thigh on me.) I have your picture on my bed stand, and I look at it every day. Sometimes I go to your grave to pray and just get away from the craziness of the world. I will be thinking about you when I walk down that aisle with tears in my eyes. (In fact, they're there now.) I love you so much, Daddy. You will always be my hero, and I will always be your little princess. Till I see your smiling face again, your Kayla Mai (Mom said you wanted to name me this.) <3