Looking at it now, I actually laugh at what I put on that list (spelled exactly as on the paper): "likes Chinese, Philipino foods" "likes fashion, celebs, movies" "likes cats and pomerians (dog)" "likes my figure (shape of body)". I was one strange fifth-grader... Anyway, the reason why I mention this is to communicate this to my readers: what you think you want changes. Now, I don't care if he likes the harp or has blue-green eyes. His favorite season isn't going to be a deal breaker. But there are still certain characteristics that are extremely necessary if I am to marry, or even date, someone.
By writing a prayer journal and completing the 31 prayers linked to in my previous post, I realized what his character should be and what I want our marriage to be like. More importantly, I made surprising revelations about myself that will affect my future relationships.
1. I am very self-centered. Somehow I managed brag about my grades, showcase how I don't listen to secular music, and mention how I banned myself from romantic novels until the end of the quarter--all within three days of journaling! I didn't even think to ask about my husband's status with Jesus until the end of the month. I really hate admitting this truth... Who wouldn't? Jesus, help me realize that the world's not all about me. There's only a couple million other people out there, and a lot of their situations are much worse than my own.
2. I wear a mask to impress people. I know that most of us do, but mine is stuck on pretty tight to my head. During the first days of writing down the prayers, I felt the need to write perfectly without misspelling words and make myself sound so smart and so spiritual. What's so ironic is that in my little "Note to Reader," I said that I was giving him access to my "most sincere prayers." How sincere are prayers that are worded to sound like the best Christian who ever lived? I'll tell you: not very. By the end, I came to the realization that in a prayer journal, there is no one to impress, even if you are planning to give it to someone eventually. Prayers are our conversations with the Lord; since we're human, they're obviously not going to be perfect.
3. If I'm going to have a husband that possess characteristics that I wrote about in the journal, I needed to work on developing the same qualities as well. Why would I deserve the husband I want if I'm not the wife he needs? Flipping through the journal, I realize that I have a long way to go before I'm ready to marry the man of my dreams, and so does he. Listen to Proverbs 12:4, "A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones." Remember, don't try to be the girl he wants; be the woman he needs. (Or...don't try to be the boy she wants; be the man she needs.)
I can confidently say that this process has radically changed my perspective about so many things: who my husband should be (his beliefs, faith, etc.), what God designed marriage as, and what I need to change in order to be the girl he wants to marry and the woman the Lord wants me to be.
What have you discovered when praying for your future spouse?
P.S. Dear hubby... I love you and will continue to pray for you daily even after we're all wrinkly! <3
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